Log in

No account? Create an account
21 March 2006 @ 06:16 pm
I have no one to talk to so I will write. I am done with this life. I no longer want to be a part of it. It hurts too much. It aches, it breathes pain and suffering. I feel pathetic. Who even cares. My mom, my son? Doubtful. My kid will be better off without me to fuck him up. I wish I had never been born. I wish my parents had never met. I hate myself and all that I am. I am angry, sad, broken and out of time.

For what its worth:

Mom and Dad- I love you both and appreciate all you've done for me in this life. I'm sorry. It's not your fault how it all turned out.
Sam- I always wanted to be a good mom, the best mom, but I never could be that for you. I love you and I'm sorry. You're a wonderful boy and you will be a wonderful man.
Sarah, Sarah, Faye, Ang: No one could have asked for better friends. You are my sisters from the heart. I love you.

22 February 2006 @ 12:58 pm
No sleep
No food
No rest for the wicked
03 February 2006 @ 04:01 pm

Muah hahaha
02 February 2006 @ 09:50 am
You are someone I can never touch
You are my heart within a cage
You hold me in the darkness of my dreams
Your love is like the falling rain; clean and pure
Your love, abused and forsaken rises from the ashes
You are pure like the brilliant white snow
You are like fresh mountain air, filling my soul
You don't belong in my world...
Current Mood: sadsad
Current Music: Jem - Foolish Games??
31 January 2006 @ 01:32 pm

The dawn is breaking
A light shining through
You're barely waking
And I'm tangled up in you

I'm open, you're closed
Where I follow, you'll go
I worry I won't see your face
Light up again

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills my mind
I somehow find
You and I collide

I'm quiet you know
You make a frist impression
I've found I'm scared to know I'm always on your mind

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the stars refuse to shine
Out of the back you fall in time
I somehow find
You and I collide

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to ryhme
Out of the doubt that fills your mind
You finally find
You and I collide

You finally find
You and I collide
You finally find
You and I collide
Current Mood: hopefulhopeful
Current Music: Howie Day - Collide
30 January 2006 @ 12:52 pm
Not something that comes easy to me.
I fear that I may have opened myself up to be hurt yet again, only by someone new.
I hate how I can go from up in the clouds to the bottom of the lake in just seconds.
Saturday night caused a jump in my heart an excitement and a joy I haven't felt in a long time.
Monday brings with it a sense of nausea and fear.
I hate the smell of fear, especially on me.
Am I just a fool?
Is this retribution for my past offenses?
I wanted so much to believe that this was it, that when our lips met as they never had before, that my heart could truly blossom, that you and I would have our "happily ever after"
Current Mood: crushedcrushed
Current Music: The Cure-Disentigration
26 January 2006 @ 03:36 pm
Her breath catches in her chest
The words begin to swim
A tear courses down her cheek
Like glass dropped from great heights her heart shatters within
Each shard cutting a new pain
Current Music: Bobby Darin-Beyond the Sea
18 January 2006 @ 11:05 am
If you want to identify me ask me NOT where I live, or what I like to eat, or how I comb my hair, but ask me what I am living for, in detail, and ask me what I think is keeping me from living fully for the things I want to live for. Between those two answers you can determine the identity of any person.

Thomas Merton, from The Man in the Sycamore Tree
Current Music: Bukowski -Modest Mouse
16 January 2006 @ 05:31 pm
I am bleeding crimson regret